I’m well into my 65th year of life on this planet, and I’m still learning about myself. You would have thought I’d have myself figured out by now, but no, I’m a bit of a slow learner. I mean, I thought I had it all together. You know, the wise, intelligent elder statesman of parenthood, handing out sage advice to my kids, all based on my immense wealth of experience. Nope. The truth is, my limiting beliefs may well be passed on to my children. Honey, I wrecked the kids!
Let me explain…
I’ve done my share of personal development over the years, most of it during my 30’s and 40’s. Learned a tonne about myself, got to know myself at a deeper level than most ever get to. So I’ve sometimes felt a little superior to the average human. I know, what an arrogant jerk!
The thing is, when you spend all that time learning to “be a better person”, get in touch with your feelings, meet and reconcile with your inner child, and all that other Woo Woo stuff, you can start to feel a bit self-important. And it’s also easy to forget that, no matter how far we’ve come, we can always go a bit farther. We can (and should!) keep working on being better. Maybe my next goal should be learning not to be an arrogant jerk…
My Meditation Habit
With that in mind, for the better part of a year, I’ve been meditating regularly, at least 4 or 5 days a week. I think it’s done wonders for my mood, my attitude, and my everyday interactions with my family, friends and the general public. I’ve noticed that I have the desire to throat punch stupid people much less often. Yay me!
Meditation has become a nice habit to get into, that takes little time, and offers great rewards. Sometimes I have a difficult time getting into my meditation, with worries and have to’s and other distractions getting in the way. But I always persevere, completing my meditation even if it feels like a bit of a slog. That’s something I’ve become better at; persevering…probably comes with age…
But, as per usual, I digress…
Selfishly Looking Inward
The thing about meditation is it forces you to look inward. Looking inward means not spending unproductive time worrying about the things that need doing, the things that you have no control of, or being concerned with what other people think. All these outward thinking things do nothing for you.
But going inward opens up a whole different set of thoughts, and they’re all selfish. Yup, I said it. Meditating is a completely selfish activity. Because, when it comes to your mindset, your mental health, and your ability to help others, you need to practice selfishness.
Meditating helps me look after my self, so I can be of service to others, like my family. If I’m helping someone deal with a personal crisis, I am doing them no good if I haven’t first looked after my own self. There’s a reason why the flight attendants always tell you that, in case of a loss of cabin pressure, put on your own mask before helping others to put on theirs. You’re no good to them if you’re unconscious!
But as usual, I digress…
The point I was intending to make about meditation is that, through meditation, I’m able to open my mind and get clarity. What’s do I mean by “clarity”?
For me, clarity is freeing my mind from distraction and random thoughts that take away my focus. Clarity opens my mind to focused imagination, and the ability to visualize clearly. And that opens my consciousness to new ideas and solutions.
My morning meditation is usually without an agenda. The goal is to just relax, clear my morning brain fog, and start my day with clarity.
My Limiting Beliefs, Exposed
But sometimes I choose to meditate for a specific outcome. I use a variety of guided meditations depending on my intentions. These intentions could vary from finding a solution to a particular problem or issue, such as technical issues with a website, to working on manifesting a certain result in my life.
These meditations tend to be a little more intense, but are always rewarding.
I can’t believe it’s taken me about 700 words to get back to the point of this post!
Anyway…
A few weeks back I was doing my morning meditation. This particular session I was using a guided meditation about exploring limiting beliefs. What limiting beliefs? I don’t have limiting beliefs! I dealt with that crap years ago. I’m a paragon of positive personality!
So then, why did I choose to do this particular meditation? Well, it was on my phone, purchased months ago as part of some meditation bundle I downloaded. I figured, “Why not?”
About 5 minutes in I’m thinking, “This is dumb. A waste of time. I should stop and just do my regular meditation.” But I didn’t, because there was something in the back of my mind that told me to keep listening. So I did. And about a minute later I was sitting there, mouth hanging open in shock. What happened?
Well, short answer, I have limiting beliefs. One big one in particular. It turns out, I’m not good enough. Weird right? Who’da thunk?! Certainly not me!
Parents: Well-Meaning, But Messed Up
If you don’t know what a limiting belief is, let me explain.
Limiting beliefs are the stories we tell ourselves that hold us back from reaching our full potential. These self-imposed barriers often stem from past experiences, societal conditioning, or negative feedback, shaping our perception of what we can or cannot achieve. Whether it’s doubting our abilities, fearing failure, or feeling unworthy of success, limiting beliefs create mental boundaries that keep us from embracing new opportunities and pursuing worthy goals.
“The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself.”—Tony Robbins
And if you really want to geek out on this, (I’m looking at you, Zachary!) check out this exhaustive article explaining everything you always wanted to know about limiting beliefs, but didn’t think you were good enough to ask!
Often the culprit is our own parents, or our early teachers. Here’s a couple of examples.
- Parents and teachers may unintentionally reinforce the belief that a child’s worth is solely based on their performance in certain school subjects, leading to self-doubt and anxiety about their abilities.
2. “Follow the traditional path to success”: By emphasizing conventional career paths or societal expectations, parents and teachers can limit a child’s exploration of alternative passions or unconventional career choices, stifling their creativity and individuality.
3. “Failure is not an option”: Constant pressure to excel without room for mistakes can instill a fear of failure in children, preventing them from taking risks and embracing challenges that are essential for personal growth and resilience.
And no matter how hard we try to be good parents ourselves, there are always going to be certain ideas or beliefs that get imprinted on our kids, that may not serve them well as adults. But hey! We’re only human! It’s virtually impossible to raise kids free of limiting beliefs.
My Limiting Beliefs Are Not My Kid’s
So, where does this all get me? Heather and I sometimes talk about whether we’ve done enough to get our children prepared for the big, bad world out there. Can they cope with the trials and tribulations headed their way? Did we mess them up so badly that they’ll spend years in therapy, attempting to undo our parental ministrations? Have we instilled limiting beliefs that will keep them from achieving their potential?
Who’s to say? I think we’ve done the best we could. For my part, I have achieved my goal of not being like my parents. So whatever beliefs I’ve programmed into my children’s minds are not the beliefs I had. At least not the self-limiting ones. Maybe. I hope. I mean, my parents certainly weren’t terrible parents. They just weren’t the parents that I aspired to be.
And Dammit! I am good enough!
