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I Don’t Need A Nigerian Prince, I’ve Got Jill Biden!

  • Michael 

I Never Thought I Could Be So Rich

I have one of the most entertaining email accounts, all thanks to a massive security breach. Several years ago, a well known design app’s servers were hacked into, resulting in millions of compromised accounts. It turns out my Gmail account was one of those.

Oh no! you say, That’s terrible! Well, thanks for your concern, but it isn’t that big a deal. None of my passwords, bank accounts, or credit cards were exposed (I hope?). At least I’m fairly sure…

No, it’s actually a pretty good thing. It’s exposed me and my account to millions of dollars! Really!

Let me explain. So the way this works is, my Gmail account has apparently appeared on numerous “scam” lists that were flagged by the United States Department of Justice, INTERPOL, the FBI, the NSA, the US Treasury Department, the International Monetary Fund, several third world countries, and the office of the President of the Good Old US of A! Isn’t that amazing? But that’s not the best part.

I’m On The Online Scams List!

It turns out that many of these countries have a fund that’s been created to compensate, or reimburse, the people on those lists for all the money they’ve lost through online scams. Pretty cool, eh?

Moreover, it’s been a bit of a challenge getting the specific details nailed down. Many of the emails I’ve received about this are a little vague on the gist of the program, and some emails are just downright poorly written. I totally get why. These senders are so excited to let me know about this amazing program, and all the riches that will soon be coming my way. I know if it was me writing these emails and telling everyone of their good fortune, I’d be too excited to spell correctly, use punctuation, or generally communicate properly in my native language!

Janet Yellen? I Have Hit The Big Time!

Here, I’ll show you what I mean. This is a segment of an email I received from Janet Yellen! I mean, what the heck!? That’s how you know this isn’t one of those online scams. Anyway, take a look…

Good day How are you today? I am Mrs  Janet Louise Yellen the 78th United States Secretary of the Treasury through our unpaid contract investigation we located your overdue payment scam Victims Compensation file here in this office and A power of attorney was forwarded to our office this morning by two gentlemen, one of them is an American national and he is MR DAVID DEANE by name, while the other person is MR.JACK MORGAN by name a CANADIAN national.

You can tell how incredibly excited she is. No time for punctuation.

Janet Yellen won't fall for any online scams
She seems real nice!

Basically I have received many of these emails over the past couple of months. I even got one form a 2019 Powerball winner who wants to share his amazing luck with 5 random people. He’s going to give us 12.5 million dollars, paid out in increments of $20,000 per day. It turns out that the ATM card he’s sending can only legally withdraw that much each day. But that’s okay. It’s not like I’m going to spend $20,000 every day. Just the occasional day. He’s also being careful to avoid any online scams!

So I did some rough math the other day, and I have calculated that I’ve got just over 205,000,000.00 coming my way!

via GIPHY

Doing My Due Diligence To Avoid Online Scams

You’re probably thinking, “Wait, you’ve been getting these emails for a couple of months?! Why haven’t you collected any money?” Well, the truth of it is, I’m not one to easily fall for some crazy online scams. You’d be hard-pressed to pull the wool over this guy’s eyes! So I’ve been doing my due diligence. And that means getting all my ducks in a row. Considering what a crazy couple of years it’s been, I figure anything crazy could happen. I mean, 2020 was the start of it all! I decided to contact a financial planner first, just to figure out how to manage all this money coming my way. Now you’re probably thinking, “Good thinking!” I know, right?

So I called up my local bank to speak to their certified financial planner. As soon as I started explaining my predicament, she laughed and hung up. I thought that was pretty weird, so I tried another financial expert at one of those fancy money management firms. Well wouldn’t you know it, the same thing happened. But then I realized what was going on. The financial planning business is a lot like the building trades. Everyone is so busy, it’s difficult to get someone to come in and get your deck built. These financial gurus are so in demand, they won’t bother to give me the time of day. At least not until I actually have the money in my account.

Time To Make It Happen

That’s why I decided to bite the bullet and fire off a reply to one of these emails, just to get the ball rolling, so to speak. So I’ve initiated the process to receive $4.5 million from Jill Biden herself! Just to prove everything is up front, here’s the email I received from the First Lady herself.

She’s a Doctor! So smart!

I’M MRS.Jill Biden AND THE CONTENT OF BELLOW MESSAGE IS SIGNED AND APPROVED
BY UNITED BANK OF AMERICA,

Moreover, in respect of fact the sum of $4.5Million United dollars was
instructed to transfer on your favor through cheque draft, and I wish
to let you know that
Every necessary things has been accessed by IMF on the economic recovery
Program done by united state embassy in government house of Benin for
victims who lost fund to con African artist, and you have nothing to
be worried about.
Below is the required information I need from you so that the delivery
of your Cheque draft will commence immediately today.
Home address:…………Cell phone
number:……………….City:……………….Valid Email
Address………………….Occupation…………..Country…………Age………………Valid
ID card
We advise you to prohibit any other transaction you are having with an
unknown source to avoid regret thereafter, and we urge you to comply
fast with the
Managerial demands so that you can have your legit cheque book with immediate
Effect as instructed from White-house (Washington DC)
Email (jillbiden801@gmail.com)

Thanks and always be bless

Although I wouldn’t have expected her to use a Gmail account.

I can’t wait to start being rich!

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Avoiding online scams